The article and accompanying comments are hilarious and thought-provoking.
Here's what I would say:
1. You’re not fat. And if you’d just stand up straight you’d look even less fat.
1b. Accutane and contacts are going to do you a world of good, so hang in there.
2. That whole thing where you don’t smile for pictures because what if you smile and you look ugly so it’s better to make a weird face so then at least people don’t think you were trying to look good is really annoying here in the future. Smile. Your orthodontist did a good job.
3. Being friends with boys is possible, but you have to talk to them, and you have to talk to them like you’re not constantly fretting over what it means. Be kind, be sincere, and be funny.
4. Ask your parents for their opinions. You don’t want to be put into a box of assumptions, so don’t put them in one, either.
5. Read The Communist Manifesto, and you’ll do way better on the AP Euro exam.
6. Moving to Colorado is one of the best things that’s going to happen to you, so stop pining after the Southern life you might have had. Spoiler alert: you keep in touch.
7. Even at your angstiest, Avril Lavigne does not and will not express your thoughts and feelings better than you do and will.
8. Write more.
Would I listen? No. I would burst into tears, stomp up the stairs, and slam the door. But then Old Me would knock on the door and promise to tell Young Me about her first kiss, and Young Me would be both excited that it actually happens and disappointed that she'll lose the first-kiss bet with her friends by years.
|The morning of my 16th birthday.|
Photo courtesy of my still-existent, needs-to-be-destroyed Myspace account.
See what I mean about the smiling thing?
What would you tell your 15-year-old self?